We saw the rainbows end while in Scotland, near to Aberfeldy. No leprechauns or pot of gold though!

Giggles

Found this. It made me laugh!

Bring on a week of relaxation!

Finally back home from bonnie Scotland, after what seems like an age of trials as Ali becomes increasingly defiant. This combined with the even more confined space of the MIL's flat and visiting multiple relatives just about topped off the last few weeks for me! 'Don't push me, I'm close to the edge' kind of feeling!

Of course the last you heard from me was the Thursday evening before we left on the Saturday about lunch time. The journey is about three and a half hours none stop, but with a toilet training 2 year old, a kitten, and MIL in tow, understandably, we weren't quite sure how long this particular journey would take. Now, as it turned out, it was like something from a comedy show. I mean, I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was very close to exiting the car and hitch hiking home by myself!

Not even a half hour North on the A68 and I was feeling decidedly travel sick because I was sitting in the back of the car with Ali. Drifting in and out of nauseous dosing, I was startled awake by D having to apply the brakes as some loony decided to turn right at last minute, and we very nearly went into the back of the car in front. Well negotiated by D, as I didn't fancy any accidents at this time! Of course the sudden stop had unsettled Dhu who proceeded to 'miaow miaow miaow' for about another half hour into the journey. I should probably mention we were only at the England/Scotland border at this point, so not far at all really, and at this point you also start to lose radio signal, for all stations. So, crackling radio, noisy kitten, now awake 2 year old singing any line from any song she can remember, sun streaming in on me through the window, stomach definitely unhappy, and MIL commentating the journey. Mmmhmm, not good is an understatement.

We managed to get a little further before Ali began her string of requests to use a 'toilet', and managed to find an appropriate place to allow her to, er, well, go. Plan was to stop at the tescos prior to the Forth Bridge, however, as you well know by now, my life does not often go to plan currently. Have a guess?? Correct, bloody roadworks! Not just any roadworks, a completely new road leading up to the Forth Bridge, and over an hours delay! So not only did this mean we could not access tescos for a toilet stop and lunch break, but we were bumper to bumper for over an hour in the stifling heat, and Ali was repeatedly asking for the loo. After several attempts to use the potty in the car, hoping that no police would pass by in the opposite direction, and the MIL laughing hysterically as Ali cottoned on that this was an ideal way to get out of her car seat; I settled the situation with a nappy and the promise of sweets at the first opportunity. So with my head virtually hanging out of the window because I was so nauseated and boiling to death, I probably inhaled more toxic fumes than when there was no smoking ban in place.

The following days I can depict into various battles with Ali, smiley happy visits to 'in law' relatives, and keeping my mouth shut despite my views on some of the things said and done by the MIL. Details would only bore you and I am sure you all experience similar problems anyhow.

Return journey home yesterday. This began with a more relaxed perspective from myself, because, of course, I knew we were heading home! I was teary to see how upset the MIL was, but we started on our way after a last call to relatives we had missed earlier in the week. The escapades began again when Ali decided she needed the toilet while we were on the motorway and were unable to stop - so seemingly was she. So following a 'palaver' to clean and line the seat adequately for the rest of the journey we continued on our way. Now we had been warned earlier by my Dad that there had been an accident on the A68, however we took our chances hoping it would be cleared by the time we reached this stretch of road. No such luck, as per usual. Still lucky if you consider it was not us in the accident, thoughts went out to those involved. Multiple stops to allow Ali to use the potty ensued, with no urine to be seen, and we were home slightly late for the new estate agent appointment. Poor guy was sat in his car hoping he wouldn't be late for his doctors appointment.

So, so, so. Today has been my organisational day to ensure I have plenty of relaxation days to follow. Shopping, washing, unpacking, phone calls, paper pushing, bill paying etc etc. I have even squeezed in a 1 mile swim because I was in shock when I stepped onto the scales earlier (must be all the comfort eating while away to console myself!) While tackling the aisles at tescos, nursing a throbbing head, I have to say I was comforted to see a woman who looked like she hated food shopping 100x more than I did, as she abandoned her trolley abruptly in the centre of each aisle and roughly through in various products with a distinct scowl on her face. Nice steak meal for tea, and I have tried many remedies to terminate the headache - only one left now. We all know what that is ladies!?!! Wonder if D will be up for the task?

Woohoo!

ON MY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!! Woohoo! Two weeks of no hospital! The coordinator asked if I wanted to do overtime over the next few weeks as we weren't going away - I said, 'not a chance in hell' but thanks for asking. I am being moved to the antenatal/ postnatal ward after my hols, which will be so unbelievably dull, but on the positive side, perhaps a welcome change from the pressure and intensity of labour ward! Still, for now it's party party party!

Have already made plans to go out tomorrow night for drinks, with the girlie's. Will have to sneak in quietly as MIL still here. Mental note: this is not the time to be drinking so much I will throw up on return! Taking MIL home on Saturday, staying until Wednesday, and then home for some peace and quiet; and of course plenty of nod nod wink wink! How people can be celibate is beyond me.

The thought of one and a half weeks of nothing planned is just perfect bliss to me right now! I can eat, drink and be merry! Spend some time with D and Ali. Watch all my favourite shows. Hire movies. Go for walks without already being exhausted. Visit places we don't usually have time for. Hoorah! Cant wait!

Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

STOP the world I want to get off!!!!

What an unbelievably crap few weeks it has been. Yesterday just about topped every other shitty day combined together in my whole midwifery career so far. If it hadnt been for the fantastic support of my coordinators at the time I would not have got through the day! Obviously I cannot go into detail for confidentiality reasons but it was bad bad bad by anyones standards in the midwifery world. Not bad - death - bad, but about as shitty as you can get before that!

Today was unbelievably busy but not anyway near by comparison to yesterday. The last few weeks though, god, the multi-discplinery team have started avoiding me like the plague because they think I am cursed. If they get called to something going wrong they know before they get there that I will be the assigned midwife, and the first thing they say is something along the lines of 'might of known it would be you'. I am attracting disaster from everywhere possible; a disaster magnet.

Think holidays, holidays holidays holidays! 48 hours to go and counting down!

Routine evening blab

Four shifts left until my two weeks holidays, and counting down! Sooooooo ready for them like I have never felt before. I will have worked since February the 6th without a holiday, that's over 7 months! Was trying to get some kind of late deal just to say we were going somewhere but is now a bit late to get Ali a passport, and to be honest the thought of trying to manage Ali in an airport, on a plane and at a resort of any kind, so far from home, for longer than a day, fills me with dread! Now Ali is usually pretty well behaved but is very exhaustive in any new situation, this combined with a busy airport, confined plane space and unfamiliar resort will be enough to drive me demented! Great, I have just talked myself out of it, that saves me a lot of time and bother!

Me and D are currently having an argument about whether or not to take the new kitten to the MIL's house (well one bed-roomed flat that is smaller than our house!), when we take her home. I bet you have already guessed that I am the one 'suggesting strongly' that we don't take him, given that it is usually enough trying to manage Ali in unfamiliar territory, and he is as fast as lighting so it will be a nightmare trying to keep him indoors. Also the car journey is about three to four hours long - could you imagine the bloody car journey. Stinking of cat shit and miaow miaow miaow miaow miaow, shut up! But I think I am losing this argument as I was the one who convinced him to get the kitten, so have compromised by saying that he has to manage the shit, feeding, maintaining and petting while we are away, solely on his own, as I will not partake in it when there are very willing neighbours here who would love to look after him! Problem solved.

Best friend Ali in France, if you're reading this, I had a photo of us that snowy New Years Eve in Newcastle, in my handbag amongst some of Ali (daughter) which my colleagues wanted to see, and the general consensus was that you looked like Kate Moss! How exciting. So there you go. Kate Moss strutting on the catwalk rather than Kate Moss collapsed on the boardwalk I would imagine! This is so bad, keeping in touch through a blog - a long 'blah' on the phone is definitely called for.

Sadly I cant find a picture to capture the hilarity, or a green sixties style pattern to help you visualise the sheer cringe-worthiness

I have just pulled off the quickest ever 'tidy' of the house on record, ready for a couple of viewings we have lined up tomorrow; as Ali's bedtime was suddenly upon us and D was busy cutting the grass and tidying the three metre square garden! Small but perfectly formed I hasten to add! No really, D thinks the grass is a jungle when I think actually it is starting to look green as opposed to yellow for a change. I have to say, a large proportion of 'stuff' ended up in the wardrobes and cupboards on this occasion due to lack of time. Who am I kidding, that always happens. Of course there is now a mound of belongings precariously piled up on what used to be our bed, due to the need to vacate the loft, ever so gorgeously draped by a sixties style print throw, which probably did originate in the sixties, to try and mask all the rubbish we hoard as a family. Half way through 'My bonnie lies over the ocean' while putting Ali to bed tonight (it takes both of us now to actually get her into bed), trying to maintain something resembling 'in tune' between us, it strikes me again how crazy this whole set up is. The MIL arrives Friday and not only do we not have anything other than the sofa to offer her to sleep on while she comes to take care of her grand-daughter for us, but I have now used her bed covers (the sixties print throw) to camouflage our crap! Give me strength.

One day left of my few days off work. Damn. However I have two weeks holiday from the 22nd which I am awaiting with great anticipation! Three glasses of wine and two spirits and mixers have numbed my brain sufficiently that it will soon switch off and they will sway me into a deep sleep of weird unexplainable dreams. I have no reason to get up tomorrow, hoorah, so I am praying Ali will manage to sleep in for a while. This week has been a struggle and I have not had any spare time to spend blogging as I would have liked to, and at the moment I am enjoying the next few days before the MIL visits to help with childcare. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful, but those of you who are regular visitors will already know that there is 'little room at the inn' in this tiny house. So we are all camping out in the lounge together! Fun! Few more drinks in order I think. Slange!

Quote for today

Love is .... difficult to find, easy to lose, .... and hard to forget.

Hectic week!

Well it has been a week of babies absolutely shooting out at me after unbelievably quick progress in labour, and being called as a second or third midwife to deliveries (involves possible resuscitation of babies and a lot of running about for things quickly), which have needed urgency. My adrenaline has been going like the clappers so often I wouldn't be surprised if my own blood pressure was through the roof. It is still very scary but I do feel so much better for the experience that I am getting, if a little exhausted by it all. There was one woman who had a long drawn out induction of labour but remained in very good spirits throughout, and was verbally thankful for everything which was done for her; who restored my faith in the positives of midwifery care. And of course there were a couple of younger girls who cracked on really quickly and surprised me in the way they handled everything. My mind is mulling over the issue of 'cultural differences' again for different reasons, which seems to crop up repeatedly ion my own personal reflection of aspects of my career. I will try to share them if I ever become any clearer. So other than the near car crash this week has been hectic but quite positive overall. And of course it is not finished yet as I am working Saturday and Sunday night shifts!

Still Alive!

Having successfully endured the day from hell (or heaven if you consider that I am still intact) I am about to fall onto the mattress on the floor we call a bed, and drift away into peaceful slumber, dreaming of my perfect wedding, perfect house, and a well behaved daughter!

I eventually got to work this morning having been run off the road by a guy who did not look properly before he pulled out from a junction, causing my heart to stop as I swerved to miss him and a man on a bicycle on the other side of the road. In a bit of a state I managed to pull myself together without trying to find a stiff drink to numb the shock, only to begin a day of rubbish cases, one in particular which was very difficult; and my day was completed by an extremely quick delivery which had my heart racing again.

So, leaving work half an hour late ringing my childminder as I half power-walked, half stumbled out of the hospital, I arrive at my car only to find I have left the lights on and my battery is dead. No shit, I should have guessed. I'm told the AA will be 50minutes so arrange for D to pick up Ali instead, but they were very good and I was rescued pretty quickly I have to say.

Driving home like an OAP I'm thinking nothing else could possibly go wrong - how unbelievably wrong could I be. First of all the car in front of me hit a pheasant which almost flew into my window; then I realise I am extremely low on petrol, red light tempted to flash at me kind of low, but I cant stop at the very close petrol station because the AA man instructed me to drive for 30minutes first to ensure the battery was re-charged adequately. So, already driving like an OAP, I am now crawling like a snail to the next garage 30minutes away to ensure I don't need to call the AA again, because that would be wholly embarrassing!

Home, I think I'm safe. Noooooooo. My gorgeous daughter is acting like the child of Satan again, is incredibly over tired, needs bathing and putting to bed quickly; my computer wont work because we changed our phone company and the previous company had cut off our broadband, and the new company had left a message saying contact the old company to get a 'migration' code and then contact the new company again to tell them the migration code so they can restart it! Yeah exactly - what!? Like my brain can process that kind of information after this kind of a day.

Finally back on I throw myself straight into wedding research again! Relax, relax, relax and enjoy!

Cullercoats Bay

We've had a busy 'real family time' weekend this weekend, well me and Ali anyway. We spent the day at the park and soft play on Saturday, and then we have been at the beach with my Dad today, at the bay where we visited while I was at first school oh so many many years ago. Its called Cullercoats Bay, near to Tynemouth. It is a crescent shaped bay with some cliffs and caves to back of it. (See photo). Alina loved it and I reverted back to my childhood and built a big sandcastle while Ali collected shells with her grandad to decorate it! I was so chuffed with it I even took a picture. (See other photo). Very tired now, and have so much to do, which I am again delaying in favour of writing this post. Being addicted to bloging is definately therapeutic but I am not getting anything done!

'Eurovision Dance Contest'

Well tonight I should have started ironing the ever increasing pile of ironing awaiting in the utility, however I chose to collapse on the sofa in front of the first ever Eurovision Dance Contest, and believe me I am so glad I did! I had originally decided to watch it because I love all these dance shows on TV, the dancers are always so amazing, and I get so jealous because the girls all look so good and I would have loved to be able to dance like they do; however, I was in absolute hysterics at the very apt commentary by Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli (probably spelt wrong). I found myself in tears from laughing at some of their comments, so Terry Wogan watch out, you have competition! And of course Graham Norton and Claudia Winkleman were and genius selection by the producers - the looks on Grahams face while the spokes people for each country were giving their votes, very comical indeed. Commiserations to Switzerland who scored 'nil point', and congratulations to Ireland who came third! Of course we have come to expect that in such competitions we always come close to bottom of the table these days, and tonight was no different. We hardly saw Brendan and Camilla though, so we will never know if Brendan stormed off in a huff or not!? Very cheesy but thoroughly enjoyable, may it long continue into the years to come!