Celebrating 'Woman'

Currently I seem to be in a period of my life where I am just starting to love myself, and being a woman. I feel I have encountered a wealth of personal growth in the last few years which has led me to this new phase of self discovery, self worth and self respect, instead of self loathing. This has a lot to do with aging in general, but is also linked with entering into a serious relationship with someone older than me, and becoming a mother.

At first I was battling with myself because I was fighting to rescue my youth. I have never felt like I particularly 'lived' my youth and young adulthood years to the full, and began to resent this when it became to late to try. Instead I am learning to embrace my life at this moment in time so that 10 years down the line I don't feel the same about my 20's.

A large part of this can be attributed to self acceptance, as I am because that is just me, and I am a good person. If something needs changing in my life then its up to me to identify and act upon it, but that does not mean that it cannot be accepted as it is until that time comes. But it also begs the question - why are we so self critical? We set such high standards for ourselves and can lose the enjoyment from life, aiming straight for what is out of reach and thinking we have failed, rather than comfortably working towards it.

I have called my blog 'mother, wife, midwife' because those were/are the main fields of my life, the key areas which I compare, day in day out, for many reasons. In fact it should have been called 'mother, wife, midwife - woman', because woman alludes to the 'real' me, (I hate that word), the me that can just be me, without being defined as part of a couple or as a parent. And I have only really just started to discover myself as 'woman' because I never gave this part of my identity a chance to develop and blossom. I hate the word 'real' because I have never considered myself as being fake but I do think that subconsciously we hide aspects of ourselves and our personality without knowing it. It seems one begins to learn to accept oneself from all perspectives.

As a mother I am attempting to be a good parent, to care & provide for, nourise and love my daughter, but as a woman I should be celebrating nature and the ability to reproduce and rear, and feel wonderful about that on a natural, and basic level. Being almost a 'wife' I try to support, comfort and cohabit with my partner in a loving relationship, but as a woman I should be exploring passion, sexuality, tenderness and a deeper intimacy or bond. And of course finally as a midwife I work to care for, represent and be there for women during an intense and sometimes stressful, but unique time of there life during childbirth/childbearing; however as a woman I need to empathise with, empower and promote control for women when they could potentially feel very vulnerable.

Being true to 'woman' is the exciting, gratifying, rewarding and 'real' part of life that I have been missing out on! So I am celebrating woman.