How do we beat - the pox?

I have discovered Gerard Butler and he is fit! And when he is singing Galway Girl for Hilary Swank in 'PS I Love You' I want TO BE her. I didn't think myself that fickle, but I would be anything, including fickle, for him! Sorry D! Brad Pitt an George Clooney move over - there's a new guy in town. Another Scotsman! God, I must have a thing about Scotsmen!

Ali has Chicken Pox, again!?? She is supposed to have already had it, but last time only had 5 spots, one of which became badly infected. This time, lord, she is absolutely covered bless her, and they are in really awkward places too. She has one right in the corner of her eye which she is struggling to keep her hands off, behind her ears, along her hairline, even around her anus and some in her armpits. I have scoured the local towns for some calamine lotion, but I think there must be an epidemic because all the chemists have sold out. So I am in the hope that aqueous cream will do and I am plastering her in that to cool them down and stop them itching! Otherwise she is in good spirits but we are both getting claustrophobic being housebound.

I have unfortunately had to ask for what is termed 'a family crisis day' at work because Ali cant go to the childminders or nursery. D is also back to work after being off sick so we were a bit stuck. I am worried I am starting to form a bad reputation at work though - I have now been off work more that I have been there this month. The first week in January I twisted my ankle so had to be off sick, the the second week I was on 'holiday', and was back only three days before I had the pox to deal with. I hope the rest of the year isn't going to be like this! We could do with a run of good luck, not more bad luck!

In desperate need of a night out, I'm pretending and playing music at maximum volume. Thank goodness for deep stones walls or I would also be building up a reputation with the neighbours! So this house does have one advantage! Ali has been dancing too, but just as I decided that it was awfully quiet, I realised she had laid herself on cushions in front of the fire and fallen asleep. Bless her. Does 25 mean you are too old to go clubbing? Maybe having Ali and missing a few years has left me craving it again. Will have to see if anyone is up for that for old times sake!

Crap - I have loads of work to do for my 'Facilitating Learning In Practice' course to become a midwifery mentor. The deadline is 28th January - 2 weeks away! And I am here blogging and writing my book, very productively, but I'm evidently not prioritising! It has been strange being away from work for so long. Spraining my ankle took my out of action for a week, which was followed by my week of holidays - I am not going to want to go back!

Our visitors have gone, bound for Barcelona - damn, I really want to visit Barcelona. It may be slightly warmer there, of course that would not be difficult. We gave all our duvets and most of our blankets to our guests, given that they were stepping out of summer and flying around the world into winter. This left me so cold at night I have been sleeping in my thick fleece dressing gown, which had me cooked by morning! It was good to see them though. Hopefully they can come again for longer when we are moved and in the summer so we can have more days out.

I was late dropping Ali at nursery again today. The look on the teachers face screamed 'failure as a mother' while she uttered the words 'don't worry, we are just about to start the register' and forced a fake smile. Luckily I was biting my tongue as my head thundered out 'when you have your own kids honey, then, and only then can you penalise me for being 5 minutes late with mine!' Making sure I was early to collect Ali, I watched as she came out of school trying to interact with a certain group from her class. Evidently the playground politics start at an early age these days. She was positively ignored in favour of each group member. My heart broke for her as I recalled the situation all too well. It wasn't as if I was being wholly accepted into the 'parent' group of these kids either. Looking on as the teacher came out to inform one mother how her son had created something quite interestingly beyond his age that day, and another mother how her daughter had been very kind and looked after someone new today; I wanted to cry as I saw the 'failure as a mother' sign in flashing pink neon lights above my head. No tears left. Having constantly cried through the last few days, for every possible reason, and enhanced by my monthly cycle, there was absolutely no fluid left in my body at all. So a promise of tea out and the soft play area and everything was right again. For Ali anyhow.

Oh my goodness - Postman Pat has a helicopter? And a motorbike?

Sea-ing Red

Another birthday over, another year older. I do believe that birthdays are becoming less exciting with age. Although D took me for a lovely meal last night - well the thought and being together were lovely - the meal was distinctly average. The restaurant itself was gorgeous and set in a cute little town not too far from us. I did not take my mothers advice though. She always professes 'when eating Italian always go for the pizza or pasta as the other dishes will not be up to scratch.' I chose the salmon in orange, lemon and white wine sauce. My rationale for this was that I am intolerant to wheat and it results in abdominal pain, so I was trying to be sensible and choose wisely, as I was also on a promise for later that evening! The salmon itself was cooked very well and I enjoyed it once I had scraped the jar of herbs from the top. The chips/fries/whatever were cooked in old fat and had a strange burnt taste to them. D had a king prawn kebab thing in a spicy sauce, but it literally was one skewer with 6 prawns on it and a tiny salad. After trying to eat incredibly slowly in order to prevent us appearing like gannets, and trying to ignore the abrupt waitress; we were left FOREVER. No one came to ask us if we wanted a desserts menu or any coffee etc. No one asked us if we wanted the bill. No one asked us if we had enjoyed the meal or if we wanted any more drinks. Well they lost out there because we left, paid without leaving a tip, and headed home to our new fridge freezer to eat masses of properly frozen ice-cream. Prioritising the ice-cream and a rather funny episode of 'Live at the Apollo' with Lenny Henry, Ed Burn, and Andy Parson, put us a whole half hour behind my menstrual cycle - bugger - I mean, what's that about!??? Someone is punishing me. If only we were back in the early onset of our relationship where we were ripping each others clothes off before we were hardly through the door after a night out. Bloody typical. According to Ed Burn - we would only disappoint each other anyway. Oh, and mental note: I must stop asking D what he is thinking, because apparently men are not thinking about anything or it is something so trivial, pathetic or weird, we might reconsider our decision to be with them.

As we were discussing 'us' during dinner, (well I was talking, D was pretty silent as usual); I did mention to D that I felt it was important we maintained a healthy relationship to avoid 'better offers' from appearing 'better' in this first instance. Following a look of confusion and a brief - 'I don't want a better offer' - which was sweet; I tried another metaphor to explain and suggested that if the grass is cut regularly, watered and fertilised well, the grass will never seem greener on the other side. For those of you thinking I am a sex crazed maniac - I was merely trying to point out that the passion was dead and that we needed an injection of romance back into our relationship, but I was trying not to be so blunt and/or hurt his feelings. He did seem to understand, but has not acted upon my observation thus far. It has only been a day, perhaps I will give it time!

We have our visitors from NZ staying with us now. They arrived safely this evening following what sounded like a traumatic journey - mostly being lost from what I can gather. They hired a car to travel around the country, and as they were travelling down from Edinburgh to us in Northumberland, they may well have found the 'scenic' route. All very well until it became dark. A little embarrassed that I can only put them on airbeds and that the sheets are not ironed, I have made my apologies. I have never tried to be a good housewife or ever professed to being one, in fact quite the opposite - and everyone knows it. But I do not have the power to create more house space and or bedrooms unfortunately. The weather seems to be raining on our parade for tomorrows plans too, but we will stay positive.

Another one of life's little parenting challenges presented itself this week. Worms. Or in Ali's words 'the sea-horses in my bum mummy.' She has been complaining about these sea-horses intermittently for sometime now but I never gave it a second thought because she does say some bizarre things. It was only this week that it dawned on me when she also commented her bum was itchy and she had been scratching it a lot, causing red marks. The health visitor informed us that usually you would see the worms in the bum or faeces - but I had not clapped eyes on any, thank god. So we went for prevention just in case and have all had to take a tablet (like the cats!). Ali has a new hand wash all of her own and a lovely pink nail brush to encourage effective hand-washing; which we were trying to do anyway but she cannot reach the sink on her own in this house, therefore we have also had to resort to washing them using the bath taps. Regular boil washing of towels and bathing to wash away any eggs laid were also advised. Very contagious apparently - great! Please seahorses - stay away from the visitors.

Countdown.....

The house looks so bleak without the Christmas decorations. Talk about 'Bleak house', I think the series must have been set here. The only thing cheering it up right now is the sight and sounds of The Boss which I am playing very loudly on music DVD. Even Ali loves him now (indoctrination - I am sure she will need therapy later in life for being forced to listen to The Boss as a child!).

The driveway is like an ice sheet again. I am convinced I will have another knackered ankle before the week is out. No summer and now arctic winter temperatures lasting for months. When D's friends arrive Saturday visiting from NZ (where it is the height of summer!) they will think they have over-shot us by a few thousand miles and hit Russia. I think extra heaters may be required!

It must be about my 'now' age when you start to dread birthdays, because for the first time I am not looking forward to mine. As tomorrow draws nearer I am experiencing and ever impending feeling of doom and want to curl up in a ball in bed with my electric blanket on and hide until it is all over! There is a little twinkle in me that would still love to go out and party - but I think I would have to get blind drunk to endure the pain of it all! Now I'm a quarter, possibly a third, of the way into my life. That in turn translates as only three quarters to two thirds of it is left? Better get started on my list of things to do before I die! Scary!

Having put Ali to bed this evening I settled down to watch 'Top Gun' as I have never seen it all the way through before - I know, apparently this is a crime - and within an hour and a half she was crying and shouting. I rushed upstairs thinking she must have fallen out of bed and hurt herself, but when I got to her she was stood at the bottom of the bed, she had thrown back her bed covers, wrapped them around the bed post and the foot of the bed, and was pulling on them repeating the words 'I just want to help you, I just want to help you mummy'. When I said I was here and ushered her to get back into bed, she went without saying anything. Strange would be considered and understatement I think. Now utterly panicked that Ali is going to be a 'sleep-walker', I have locked and bolted every door/window I can find.

So...I am asking D if I can have one of my birthday presents early..........tune in again to find out if he said yes!

Help!

I can walk - hoorah! But true to form I am also snowed in so I still cannot get out of this house! Did I break a mirror or something? I just have this gut feeling that 2009 is not going to be the greatest of years. It has certainly not been the best start.

In a few days I will be a quarter of a century - how the hell did I get that old? My family have been asking me what I would like for my birthday, but why can't I think of anything. Every other time of the year I could name at least ten things that I would like, but now, no. My dad asked me if their were any Cd's or DVDs that I fancied, so I have been doing a quick search through 'Amazon' - during which I was also watching 'Loose Women'. The girls were discussing self help books and I remembered something my mother had said to me recently. She suggested, possibly in jest, that I try a positive thinking CD. So....there must be quite a few of us considering this prospect because all the positive thinking Cd's are 'currently out of stock'. Are we all really that depressed? Am I really that depressed?

In a similar vein I have made an appointment with a hypnotherapist to try and tackle my weight problem. In general I do not believe in complimentary therapies, but given that the medical profession have decided to ignore my cry for help because I am not yet 30 stone and bed bound, I believe I have to give this a chance. The therapist I will be visiting has been recommended to me by a colleague who's daughter had used hypnotherapy to lose weight and is doing very well. It is not cheap and may not work at all, but if there is a chance I have to take it. Positive thinking - without the self help tape! Although I am wondering if I should take a friend along with me given that hypnotherapist ends with 'rapist'.....perhaps that is not depression or negative thinking, but - WARPED! What will he find when he searches deeper within me?

Beware the New Year........

So happy new year to all! Not off to a good start thus far. In my classic, tragic and stupid manner I have managed to twist my ankle. I can hardly walk and it's bloody painful. I just don't have a good track record with New Year. I should just stay indoors and do nothing.

To begin with Ali and D were up in Scotland taking the mother in law home, and because I didn't want to sit and mope about by myself all evening, I went to stay with my dad for the night. It didn't start off well as I tumbled down the frozen steps on the way out of my house, and splatted on my hands and knees. Although bruised I picked myself up and carried on - via my mother's to apply ice compresses. (We still don't have a new freezer).

An Indian takeaway, a 'Mamma Mia' DVD and a Jools Holland hootenanny later I managed to get approximately 4 hours sleep before having to make my way to work New Years day. If only it was that simple. As I was leaving I missed that last step of their stairs and twisted my ankle. It seemed fine and I drove to work as normal but as I tried to walk on it when I arrived at work the pain was immense. Consequently I hobbled into A & E, was bandaged up and sent home.

A whole day later and I still cannot walk properly. It is becoming very annoying, and increasingly painful. I believe I am a very bad patient. I hate being an invalid and it is making me mad because I cannot get on and do the many things that need doing! I'm too busy to be sick!! But I'm not even sick - just more stationary.