New Phase

My baby started school last week and I am of mixed emotions! She did so well on her first day, a few small hiccups but we got there in the end. It was kind of surreal. All the parents filed into the classroom with their children, with the majority of the kids fairly happy but a bit dubious about what was occurring. Then as one small girl started to cry it was like a run of domino's, as another child started to cry, then another and another, until eventually Ali's eyes began to well up too. She was merely copying what all the others were doing because she had been fine and had expressed no anxiety about going to school at all. I kissed her, hugged her, told her it would be fun, and then ran. Being there was only making it worse, and I could feel that my tears were not far away. As I left I passed a mass of hysterical children, it was purely heartbreaking. To top it off another mother who had still been there with her daughter told me two days later that Ali was kneeling on the carpet with tears streaming down her face. Guilt, guilt, guilt. But I would have been doing her no favours by staying and sobbing with her. Now two weeks in she is fine and filing in on her own after the whistle. Watching her go into school just emphasizes how quickly time is passing. She is my little baby, with whom I paced about the floor for so many nights on end. Where did the time go?

Now that we are trying again I find myself in a new situation. 'Planning' for a baby. When we found out Ali was on the way we were excited, but it was over-shadowed by worries and anxiety. We didn't live together, I hadn't completed my degree and in the grand scheme of life we had not been together for long. There is something quite spiritual and calming about purposefully trying for a baby. I can feel a nervous excitement bubbling through me, waiting for the moment we have the news so that it can explode out. I can't wait to see D's face when we do the test together this time and it tells us the good news. And I can't wait to spend every night together in bed holding the bump and feeling the kicks instead of being 2hrs away from each other, stealing brief weekends here and there. Ali is constantly asking if the baby is coming yet because we have discussed having a baby with her since making the decision. She made me laugh yesterday because she told me she had sent a wish with a fairy to name the baby the name she had picked out if it's a boy. She won't tell us what it is though! So cute!

We have discovered that mutant spiders live nearby, and now that it's getting colder the blighters are coming indoors! Now there's not a chance that I will ever touch a spider but I am normally able to catch them in a glass and put them back outdoors. These enormous specimens are hideous, they make me shiver and get nervous, and they are so incredibly fast. I think I can hand on heart say I am not going anywhere near them! Unfortunately I have passed on my phobia to Ali. She happened to witness a spider fall onto my shoulder one day and I couldn't contain my reaction, I was hysterical. So now D laughs when we both have a hissy fit every time a spider scuttles about! But these clearly genetically modified beasts are well scary! Arachnophobia at aged 8 kinda scary!

Oh, and how the opposite of jolly are the 'Jolly Phonics'! Ali is beginning to learn how to sound out words at school and recognise letters. Today I attended a workshop for parents on how to support the learning of phonics. Jolly is not the word. Trying to remain positive, we accessed some of the websites suggested by her teacher to play the games that teach the phonics. After about half an hour of s-i-t, s-a-t, i-t, a-n, t-i-p etc etc, I have quite a h-e-a-d-a-c-h-e and had to give up. I sure needed a break before we had to head back out to school for trampolining. I feel like a y-o-y-o.

Raspberry jam, relatives and our daughter the blether!

I think we may have just bought 2 new sofas. We had to return the fabric swatches today with a final decision. How did this happen? One minute we are discussing the issue and both agree that the sofa's we have (although hideously blue and leather) are fine for now, the next minute we decide to 'just pop in' to SCS and have a look at what's available. Suddenly we are being offered coffee and are being schmoozed into putting down a deposit in return for borrowing the colour swatches overnight. ????? That salesman must have been good! To convince us to part with such an amount of money without much hesitation! Classy sofas though.

We had been staying with Granny in Scotland up until Friday gone, before bringing her home with us for a few days. She left today courtesy of the National Rail service. I love Scotland, there are some stunningly beautiful areas. Staying with Granny can be a little claustrophobic though. A small flat with three adults, including one MIL, and a hyperactive four year old, becomes mildly grating to say the least. Especially as Ali never shuts up these days. 'A wee blether' according to the guy in the local craft shop. And air fresheners on timers?? What is with that? Not only are they bizarre but you become a nervous wreck as they let out a sharp 'hissing' noise with each squirt of incense - which never fails to take you by surprise and get your heart racing.

There have been of course the occasional amusing discussions between D and his mum. One in particular was that of both parties trying to remember the phone number of an auntie in New Zealand. Though it was just both of them generating random numbers at each other not to each other, they would not take my advice and look it up in the book - it was a test of memory and neither would give in! Like I have got the time or patience. Both have a mild obsession with home-made raspberry jam and I am going deaf because the TV always has to be on maximum for any of my gorgeous fiances family to hear it - including him.

Compared with other trips to see Granny, we didn't visit so many relatives which was nice. We did see D's uncle (Granny's brother) who never fails to amuse me. While having coffee at D's auntie's house he clapped eyes on a neighbour trying to park her car in her driveway. Trying was the operative word, but I had to work hard to stop myself laughing when he brazenly said, 'Look at that stupid woman, she's at it again, she cannot park her car in her own driveway. She has 3 or 4 goes at it and there is enough room to park a bus in there side-e-ways.' I was very tickled. I also love visiting another of D's uncle's (his dad's brother), because he is so jolly and recites stories for Ali and banters with her, making her laugh. So all in all, a canny trip in terms of relatives.

While up North we visited the Beatrix Potter Museum in Birnam. It was so sweet and totally catered to generating the interest of children. It was a shame that we didn't have more time there. All the information was clearly set out and defined for the older children/adults, and there was a series of activities for the younger. There were jigsaws; drawing/colouring utensils; mountains of books; role play areas - including a cute make-shift puppet theatre, a shop, a dolls house and tea sets; and a rolling series of stories on DVD playing on a TV in a small area full of bean bags. There was also a game which was a cross between 'hook a duck' and 'magnetic fish pond', where you had to hook characters using rods from a bucket which generated scores to total up. It was simply gorgeous. Well worth a look.

We also drove to Loch of the Lowes where we endeavoured to observe the Osprey. No such luck unfortunately. Granny thought she may have seen one but sadly keeping Ali quiet enough to partake in the bird-watching held most of my attention. There was a red squirrel which was stunning and quite exciting as I have not seen one for many years. We only have grey's in our area. Surprisingly I have started sketching again in the form of garden and woodland birds. I forgot I had it in me. Why I cannot generate something that might bring in some money is beyond me.

My most favourite excursion was to a local pottery store ('Going Pottie') where you could paint a tile, figure or kitchen utensil to take away with you. I thought this would be something different to try with Ali so we gave it a go. Ali chose a small unicorn and we set out to paint it. Well....the OCD in me just took over and I found myself interfering with Ali and trying to paint the figure for her. I couldn't stop myself. Plan B was executed - to both have a tile so that mummy could have a go and Ali could have free artistic reign over her design! The genius of the activity was that you could dry the paint with a hair dryer and paint over it again at any stage. This was key as Ali became cross with her attempts several times and we had to paint over the pattern and start again. Aside from Ali getting her hair caught in the hairdryer, the whole event was pretty successful. After some time though I found it tough encouraging Ali, so Daddy swooped in to assist and I got my moment in time to continue to re-discover my own artistic skills.

There has been much discussion over D's sister visiting from New Zealand next year. Suggestions including renting a cottage on the West Coast of Scotland or in France for a week or so, have been put forward by Granny. (There are relatives in France too). This has led to a week of lying about 'trying' and 'flying', as we have decided to try for another baby soon which if successful would make me due around the same time. Of course this rules out flying and likely being anywhere other than at home for this period of time. Granny was not keen on us having further children therefore she has not been enlightened of this plan as yet - hence the lying. The weeks discussion has been awkward to say the least. And the guilt. New sofas probably weren't the best idea.