To say it has been a long time since I last wrote is a bit of an understatement. January. It is now the middle of July, that's nearly half a year. So aside from stating the obvious, we have some catching up to do.
This year did not begin so well for us all, which is why I took some time out from writing. My feelings were unclear, as many emotions took over all of us. Petty worries like ex-wives became insignificant as D's father, who had been diagnosed with cancer over the Christmas period, became ill very quickly, with March approaching. We had already made plans to fly out to New Zealand at the end of March as his initial diagnosis had given him up to 6 months. March was upon us when it became clear that his time was coming very quickly. Doctors had been advising D's sister, who also lives out there, to wait for further tests before getting us out there too - so we adhered to their advice. Despite a last minute attempt to move our flights forward it was too late and he had gone within 2 days of his health becoming drastically more concerning. So D had not seen his father in 4 years and his father had never met his grand-daughter or new daughter-in-law to be.
Full of bitterness and anger we made the horrendous and long trip out to NZ for the funeral with my almost 3 year old daughter in tow, whose excitement quickly turned to boredom. The trip and meeting with rest of D's family on the other side of the world, which I had looked forward to for years, became three weeks of tears, tough times and goodbyes. Guilt and anger virtually silenced D and I barely knew how to grieve for the father in law I had never physically met. While there I turned to my writing for comfort in the absence of my own family and friends for support. I wrote to D's father in an attempt make peace with myself over what had happened, however D is still far from peace himself.
I am not a religious person, but I do feel I have what I can only term as 'faith'. I do not know 'what in' and I don't think there is a being which I believe represents this 'faith'; but I think most people, including me, would like to believe there is 'something' or 'someplace' greater than this reality. If we are right and there is such a place, then I hope he is there at peace himself.
Ali however thought the 'holiday' was fantastic. D's relatives have a lot of land and she and her cousin just ran around all day. She had so much freedom, I felt so cruel when we got back home and had so many restrictions and rules to reinforce.
Prior to leaving we had our loft conversion completed, which all needed decorating on return, so we went from exhaustion from travelling and anxiety, to knackered from all the work which was being done. If I never see a paintbrush in a million years it will be to soon!
We are back into reality now and a few months on, slowly feeling better. Financial pressures are getting us down, but Ali keeps us going with her comedy comments. She did a classic the other day when we visited the new Marks and Spencer in Hexham. As we past the tights for sale, demonstrated by manikin legs she very loudly decided to ask 'why are those legs kicking mammy?' which cracked me up and several of the sales staff also.
The economy is hitting us hard, as it is with most of the population. Our house just will not sell due to the ? recession, ? no recession problems, and don't even start me on a rant about the petrol prices. So, I'm watching the news for the first time in ages last night and I have tuned in just in time to see Gordon Brown at the meeting of world leaders, swinging on his revolving chair as if he is 7 years old. Our prime minister, who is 'running' this country. The mind boggles.
